


"Diane, I think things will be ok"

by a_chilleus



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Genderqueer Character, Nonbinary Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:46:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1566776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_chilleus/pseuds/a_chilleus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent Cooper is nonbinary. Clothes are a nightmare and he really isn't used to feeling unsure.</p><p>(this is my first attempt at Twin Peaks fanfiction, so don't hate me if it's bad! constructive criticism is always appreciated.  as my <br/>headcanon Cooper is nonbinary and there's no fic with that, I figured I'd at least try.)</p><p>not what I'd planned to write, but it's basically just friendship fluff...</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Diane, I think things will be ok"

 

Agent Dale Cooper was not used to being unsure. Not about himself. He stared at the outfits on the hotel room bed, paced up and down the room for a minute, then stared back at the outfits.

                “Diane, I am currently staring at… at three possible outfits for… for my birthday dinner. I am conflicted because, as you know, I like to celebrate my birthday with those closest to me, and I have grown to trust Harry, Tommy, Lucy and Andy a great deal, and would like to share the evening with them… I would like to be honest with them.”  


Cooper looked at the first outfit- a white shirt, smart black trousers and a suit jacket. A selection of ties was laid out on top of the shirt.

                “Diane, I am currently looking at the first outfit. It is my go-to for most social events. You know the one. However…”

Cooper sat down on the floor by the bed. His legs felt too heavy under him, his chest too tight.

                “However it is very masculine. I don’t know how long I want to pretend to be male.”

  
The second outfit was much like the first, only the shirt was replaced by a blouse in a pale lilac.

                “The second outfit is the same, but with that blouse I like. It’s my favourite blouse and it goes with my eyes. I don’t know… sorry Diane, I shall have to update you later. This is difficult for me to discuss aloud. Thank you for listening.”

Cooper clicked off the tape recorder, closed his eyes and rested his head against his knees. Usually he informed Diane of everything that happened, in order to provide evidence for cases and to set his mind in order, but tonight he couldn’t. His head was going in circles and there was a knot in his stomach that grew every time he thought about the upcoming evening. Cooper stood and picked up the third outfit- a dark green dress, knee-length with subtle lace at the top. It was the dress he had bought for himself three months ago when he saw it in a shop window on the way to Twin Peaks. He had yet to wear it.

He removed his shirt and trousers and looked at his reflection.  A tall… man, square jaw, bright eyes and strong cheekbones. “The height of masculinity”, as his high-school girlfriend had once told him, much to his discomfort, though at the time he had been unable to place the reason for that. It was… wrong. The man in the mirror was Agent Cooper, sure, but not Dale.

He held the dress up against him, feeling the soft fabric against his skin, cool and safe. Carefully he put it on, then stared at himself in the mirror. Looking back at him was someone… not quite himself, but closer. Somehow he looked taller in the dress, he had shaved his legs the previous night and if you only looked at his lower half you could almost believe that he was… that he wasn’t male. He reluctantly looked back at his face- not ugly, certainly not, but he was a handsome _man_ , and he couldn’t bring himself to feel grateful for that.

Suddenly, a movement behind him in the mirror caught his eye and he turned in a panic. Standing in the doorway was Lucy, holding a key.

                “Uhh Agent Cooper I found this on the floor outside I think you dropped it sorry I didn’t know you were changing do you want me to go?”

                “Thank you Lucy,” Cooper swallowed hard and took the key. He stood, unable to move, as Lucy hesitated.

                “That’s a very pretty dress, Agent Cooper,” she smiled slightly, “It looks nice.”

                “Thank you, Lucy.” The knot in Cooper’s chest only grew.

                “Would you like me to call you a woman now Agent Cooper? I can’t promise I’ll remember but I’ll certainly try…”  
                “No thank  you, Lucy. I do not identify as female.” His heart was pounding, throat felt tight. He wasn’t used to being nervous, and certainly not around his friends.

                “Hey, Lucy, there you are! I-” Harry Truman stood in the doorway, eyes wide.

                “Good evening Agent Truman, doesn’t Agent Cooper look nice in the dress? He said he’s still a man so now he’s a man wearing a dress which is fine because he looks very nice and and…”

                “Lucy, would you mind if I speak to Agent Cooper alone, please?” Truman said, then, at the worried look she gave him, “It’s ok, Lucy, nothing is wrong here. I’ll speak to you later. Could you… perhaps not tell anyone else about this until Agent Cooper says that’s ok?”

                “You mean about him wearing the dress? Because… ok.” Lucy nodded and took a last look at Cooper before turning and walking out the door.

                “Would you mind locking the door, Harry?” Cooper sighed, sitting down slowly on the bed.

                “Course,” Truman did as asked, and then stood awkwardly, clearly unsure what to do.

                “I know… I know you probably think I’m strange. Perverted, even, that’s the word most people would use, isn’t it?” Cooper twisted the ring on his finger nervously.

                “Of course not! I would never…”

                “Harry, could you turn around while I change?”

                “You don’t have to-“

                “I want to.”

Harry turned away as Cooper hastily pulled off the dress and put on his trousers and shirt. Cooper sat back down on the bed.

                “Thank you Harry.”

                “You know you don’t have to feel ashamed of wearing a dress, certainly not in front of me, right Cooper?”

                “Thank you Harry.”

                “I just… well it was a surprise.”

                “I understand.” Cooper was used to this, the people who said it was ‘just a shock’, ‘somewhat unusual’, and then slowly removed him from his life. His parents, his brother, three colleagues and two girlfriends. He twisted his ring again, heart racing.

                “Lucy said you’re still a man, so…”

                “Not quite.”

                “Are you a woman?”

                “I don’t identify as female, no, Harry.”

                “Cooper, can you… I want to understand, you’re clearly upset and you’re never upset.” Harry sat down on the bed beside Cooper.

Cooper thought for a long moment. The knot is his stomach had grown significantly, and he swallowed several times before he replied.

                “Harry, can I trust you?” he asked, then added “I mean, with personal things? Incredibly personal things.”

                “Of course. And no, I’m not just saying that.”

                “I’m not…” Cooper felt his hands going clammy, his pulse almost dangerously high, “I’m not a man. But I’m not a woman either. I’m… sort of in between. I think… I think one word for it is genderqueer? I’m that.” He looked away, anywhere rather than at his friend. Harry nodded slowly.

                “I think I get it.”               

                “Really?”

                “Well, not entirely, I’ve never felt anything like that myself, but… I can see how that could… if you say you’re neither male nor female, then you’re neither male nor female. That doesn’t change anything.”  


                “Thank you Harry.” Cooper looked back at his friend, “I was thinking about wearing this tonight. Is that a good idea?”

                 “Certainly. I think it looks very nice. And Lucy clearly does… shall I tell her what you’ve told me?”

                “Yes, that might be a good idea, if she’ll react the same way you have I mean.”  
                 “I’m sure she will.”

                 “What are Andy and Tommy likely to say?”  
                 “It’s hard to be sure, but they like and respect you, Cooper, so I can’t imagine they’d do anything too awful,” Harry smiled encouragingly, and Cooper smiled back slowly. He slowly stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection was still too male, but...

                 "Do you still want us to call you Dale? And use male pronouns?"

                 "Dale is fine. It feels... normal. Natural. Pronouns don't bother me; you can call me he or she or they, I don't mind." He slowly picked up the blouse, holding it up against himself. He thought about how he'd look in it. " My shoulders are too wide for this kind of top, aren't they?" he sighed.

                 "I don't think so. Does it bother you to look masculine?"

                 "Yes. I mean... not always. But right now, yes. Often, yes."

                 "The dress makes you look very feminine, you know. You don't look like a woman, but you don't look... well you don't look like Tommy or I would if we wore it." Cooper smiled. He picked up the dress again, holding it against himself, and looked at his reflection, as Harry stood up behind him, also smiling, albeit slightly hesitantly. _I'm going to be fine_ , Cooper thought to himself. _I must tell Diane how this has turned out._


End file.
